Sunday, August 17, 2008

In which Andy expounds on Agenbitology

It was a humid August evening. It turned out that Tucson's local weather-system had had one too many and in a fit of genius which only coffee laced with ethanol can provide, decided that precipitation was the obvious course of action. Of course, Thor was right around the corner when this happened and He being a Norse god who enjoyed good clean fun as much as the next Norse god did, decided to throw in a couple of lightnings as well. However, this meteoro-mythological matrimony didn't last for long, the honeymoon was over and the change in the weather soon came to pass. The Drachman river dwindled from its Amazon-like ferocity to a meandering stream, then to a bunch of puddles and finally breathed its last as the Sun (and not to mention, the drainage system) sucked away the last of its life. As I was witnessing the death of this mighty torrent, my heart was heavy and my brow furrowed, though not for the reasons the reader might assume. My b. was f. because I could sense the slight disturbance in The Force. However, I could not put my finger on the source of the disturbances. With a mind troubled thus I sauntered back to my laptop only to realize that there was a mail from Dope. (Okay, I really don't know why I felt a disturbance in The Force. Probably it's got something to do with the thunderstorm. But the point I am trying to make here is that I got a mail from Dope). Inspired by the link he sent me, I decided it was time someone attempted to codify what the author was talking about.

In order to appreciate Agenbitism (Agenbitology if you prefer to call it a science) one should stop pronouncing words and should start tasting them. Let me elaborate. Wine-tasting 101:
Step 1: Prepare for the wine by drying your tongue
Step 2: Take a sip of the wine and roll it in your tongue. Feel the taste
Step 3: Spit the wine out and take a deep breath in through your mouth. Get the after-taste

I suppose that with this tool in hand, we are in a position to define word-tasting.
Step 1: Analyze your object you are trying to translate to words
Step 2: Let the word roll out of your mouth and try to guage the way the word rolls out.
Step 3: How do your feel now that the word has been uttered. Do you feel the sense of satisfaction at a job well done?

Fairly simple isn't it?! With the basic protocols of experiment in place, I have managed to set out a few guidelines for good-sounding words. I suppose that its pretty obvious that exceptions to these guidelines do exist. Nevertheless, I shall continue..
1) More the number of syllables the better the words are. Obvious one..
2) Words with 'b' sound good - Think about it, 'flabbergasted' and 'bamboozled' have a reassuring wholeness to them which an 'ennui' or a 'shoerack' does not. As soon as you have figured out how to express the general framework of the world with a 'flabbergasting' or a 'bamboozling', your Universe seems that much closer to you than it was before those harmonious words were uttered by you. A sense of satisfaction which only a right word uttered can give you envelopes you and before you know it calmness settles in around you, the wind is blowing a little slower, the leaves ruffle a little lesser, the Earth is revolving a little slower around itself, and to make a long story short, Nature's equilibrium reigns all . And of course, once the word is uttered, the sense of satisfaction is all-prevailing!
3) Words which end in '-ple' sound good. For instance, 'purple' is in some terms the best transformation of a color into the English language. Purple tells you that the colour is extremely friendly, serene and in short, something Jesus Christ would have recommended to one of his disciples had he asked JHC for an opinion on what coloured sash would match his robe. However, that underneath the friendly exterior lies a sinister crux that is waiting to prey on a weak mind is also something that 'purple' expresses which definitely 'porple' or 'pirple' could not have captured in their wildest dreams. Other examples in this category are 'dimple', 'pimple' (I know its gross but then, you know its gross the moment you hear it. The aura of endearment which a 'dimple' provides is non-existent in 'pimple')
4) Words with 'pp' sound good - Although the author of the article seems to think that 'apple' is a good-sounding word, I disagree on this count. On the other hand 'supple' is one word which sounds good. Rolls of the tongue really well and expresses the sentiment like no other word does. What more do you need in a word.

I do understand that more work needs to be done in this field. I suppose our grand-kids will be happy that someone actually took this weighty issue on his shoulder and initiated a formal framework to codify this field!

May the Force be with you!


Blogger BrokenTooth said...

I just saw this old chap.

What build-up just to lead into the 'mail from Dope' abuse. Pthoo!

3:42 PM, December 05, 2008  

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